


Overgays: A Shitty Chatfic You'll Regret Reading <3

by Archemon, cosmist (Stariska)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:37:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12716175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archemon/pseuds/Archemon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stariska/pseuds/cosmist
Summary: [D.VA has logged on]D.VA: is it gay yetD.VA: wheres the gayD.VA: someone tell me when some gay shit happensIn the new Overwatch Shitpost™ series, Genji's a prick, Hanzo is sad, Tracer is a meme lord, Hana is a meme queen, Jesse is an ignored cowboy, Ana isn't dead, Reinhardt has some memes to share, Soldier and Reaper are cutting onions in a kitchen, and everyone is gay.(Me and my friend are sorry for this. We're so sorry.)(Yooo this shits back in business, i tell ya! updates will be rolling in whenever i can squeeze 'em in between my work)::Summary updated 8-16-2018::





	1. The 'Genji is an Asshole' Show™

**Author's Note:**

> Tune in to Overgays™ , the angry and idiotic characters who live to suffer and fuck around. And now a word from our sponsors that don't exist...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HANA is a meme
> 
> GENJI gets annoyed about the whole 'hanzo-almost-killed-him-' situation, and then gets sad that he got annoyed and got Hanzo sad
> 
> HANZO is the sad one
> 
> MCCREE is ignored
> 
> and TRACER is the meme 2.0.

[Angela Ziegler has created chatroom 'Overwatch Communication Channel']  
[Angela Ziegler has added Genji Shimada, Jesse McCree, Lena Oxton, Reinhardt Wilhelm, Lucio, Torbjorn Lindholm, Winston, Mei-Ling-Zhou, Hana Song]  
   
Winston: Greetings and salutations members of Overwatch, D.VA has brought to my attention that we do not have proper channels for mission reports and/or delays of a mission. Thus, this texting channel will replace our old voice channel. Please refrain from spamming.  
   
Angela Ziegler: As Winston said. I will be changing all your usernames to your callsigns as well.  
   
McCree: gotcha  
   
Mercy: Please, use this chat professionally.  
   
McCree: like hell  
   
Genji: this chat is going to shit like the last one  
   
Genji: I know this from experience  
   
D.VA: 안녕하세요 오래 된 방 귀!! : D (* Hello old farts!! : D)  
   
McCree:genji translate that shit  
   
Genji: im japanese not stupid  
   
Mercy: Can you all just behave while in this chat, at least?  
   
Mercy: I have some work to do, so be good, you children.  
   
[Mercy has gone idle]  
   
Genji: excuse me did angela just call me a child  
   
D.VA: y e p- best thing. ever.  
   
Genji: hana you are literally a child  
   
D.VA: No!! I'm a legal adult!!  
   
Tracer: genji, love, a legal adult is 18 or over. she's right.  
   
D.VA: H A TAKE THAT  
   
McCree: well shit genji  
   
Genji: excuse me hana i'll have you know im 36 and you are 19 youre a fucking child  
   
D.VA: genji is an 늙은 방 귀 lmaooo (* old fart)  
   
Genji: i have to thank ange for getting me built in wifi honestly  
   
McCree: but you said you couldnt translate it you fucker  
   
Genji: no, i didnt, i said i was japanese but not stupid  
   
McCree: fuck you, but what does it say though  
   
Genji: go look it up lmao  
   
McCree: oh fuck you genji  
   
Winston: I do hope you all realize I'm recording all chat conversations for future use. Any and all stupidity can and will be used against you for entertainment.  
   
Genji: ,, perfect.  
   
Genji: now is the perfect time then, winstonian  
   
[Genji Shimada has added Hanzo Shimada]  
   
Hanzo: What monstrosity must you bestow upon me today, brother?  
   
Genji: may i present to you, the overwatch chatroom  
   
Hanzo: Oh joy.  
   
McCree: is this sarcasm i see  
   
McCree I'll have you know this is the most joyous place you will have ever been in  
   
McCree: and I'm sure the rest of yall can agree with me right  
   
[Mercy is no longer idle]  
   
Mercy: No.  
   
[Mercy has gone idle]  
   
D.VA: i think you've gonne awol old man  
   
Genji: rip jesse  
   
McCree: excuse me you fucking ninja man i will murder you  
   
Genji: gee, havent heard that one before, have i?  
   
Genji: @hanzo  
   
Hanzo: Ah. Bringing up such things does not become of you, Genji.  
   
Genji:  you werent the one almost dead lmao   
   
McCree: why are you bein so rude to your brother genji  
   
Genji: jesse i get why youre asking but  
   
Genji: are you fucking blind  
   
McCree: aight fair enough then  
   
D.VA: am i the only one confused here 도대체 (* what the hell)  
   
Genji: oh hello again little girl  
   
Genji: you see hanzo my brother here literally almost killed me so that was a funnnnn time  
   
[D.VA has gone Idle.]  
   
McCree: genji what did you do  
   
Genji: i dont know lmao  
   
[Hanzo has gone Idle]  
   
Genji: wait oh shit  
   
[Genji has gone idle]  
   
Winston: I will go find Mercy, in case of injury.  
   
[Winston has gone Idle]  
   
Tracer: the hells going on?  
   
McCree: the 'hell' is going on  
   
Tracer: is that a correction or something  
   
McCree: nah i meant literal hell is happening  
   
Tracer: gotcha.  
   
[D.VA is no longer Idle]  
D.VA: hanzo 곧, 오래 된 방 귀를 온라인으로 언제 든 지 올 수 없습니다. @genji (*  Hanzo won't be coming online any time soon, old fart.)  
   
McCree: what  
   
[Genji is no longer idle]  
   
Genji: oh shit lmao  
   
D.VA: he scratched my baby, he's not going anywhere any time soon.  
   
[Genji has changed room name to 'Hana Song is a fucking badass']  
   
Genji: this is beautiful  
   
D.VA: I knew you secretly loved me, 늙은 방 귀 (* old fart)  
   
Genji: you literally just beat up hanzo how am i supposed to not like you  
   
McCree: wait what the fuck  
   
D.VA: 늙은 방 귀, you might just be my favorite irl person rn lmao (* old fart)  
   
McCree: i am so confused what the hell  
   
Genji: if im your favourite person why are you calling me old fart  
   
D.VA: that's because you are one, 늙은 방 귀 (* old fart)  
   
Genji: rude  
   
Genji: im actually a cyborg  
   
D.VA: 올드 엉덩이 사이보그, then (* old ass cyborg)  
   
Tracer: @McCree at this point nothing makes sense, love, this is overwatch.  
   
D.VA: oh crap, he's gone--  
   
Genji: one, thank you hana thats much better, but two, you fucking what mate ill throw crumpets at you and drown you in tea  
   
Genji: i make perfect sense  
   
D.VA: genji, 올드 엉덩이 사이보그, he just disappeared-- (* old ass cyborg)  
   
Genji: wait  
   
Genji: f u ck  
   
Tracer: oh shit was he supposed to be like  
   
Tracer: dead or something  
   
D.VA: i tied him up, wtf this is not o k a y--  
   
Genji: hes a ninja what did you expect  
   
D.VA: not this, obviously-  
   
McCree: genji you have a weird brother lmao  
   
Genji: mccree stfu my 'weird brother' fucking escaped  
   
[Hanzo is no longer Idle]  
   
Genji: hey brother, how the fuck'd you get out  
   
Hanzo: She cannot tie a knot at all.  
   
Genji: wow  
   
D.VA: i take offense to that-- my bondage skills are superb  
   
Genji: what a disgrace  
   
Genji: hanzo get the fuck over here  
   
[Genji has gone idle]  
   
Hanzo: I must go deal with his idiocy, excuse me.  
   
[Hanzo is Idle]  
   
[Mercy is no longer idle]  
   
Mercy: I ask you all to behave and this is what I come back to.  
   
Winston: I am not quite sure what we expected to happen, besides this.  
   
Mercy: This is literally the chat from before. Honestly.  
   
McCree: and that is 'literally' what i said yall need to listen to me more  
   
Mercy: No.  
   
Mercy: I imagine our bodies would be unhealthy due to all the drinking and smoking we'd do if we listened to you.  
   
Winston: Most definitely.  
   
McCree: why are yall gangin up on me this is unfair  
   
Tracer: smoking is bad, love  
   
McCree: you guys have converted lena too, fuck off  
   
[Genji is no longer idle]  
   
McCree: oh shit hey  
   
Genji: hana i made it better  
   
D.VA: no.  
   
Genji: hana i made it better please  
   
McCree: overwatch was a mistake  
   
Hanzo: Someone please aid me. I believe my brother has truly lost his mind this time.  
   
Genji: brother you dont understand  
   
Genji: this isnt worse than getting like half your body cut off. im becoming a dva.  
   
Hanzo: Sometimes I question your mental state.  
   
Genji: i lost my mind the day u fucking killed me lmao how do you think almost dying and then being put in an entirely new body feels  
   
Genji: i cant even eat bro  
   
Genji: i miss that fucking ramen more than i miss the days before i 'died'  
   
Hanzo: Perhaps it is a God send you cannot eat. You cleared tables of food in your youth.  
   
Genji: perhaps it was the world telling me 'eat before your brother kills u lol'  
   
Hanzo: You and I both know I am regretful for my actions. Now let me out of this rope.  
   
Genji: no  
   
Hanzo: Would someone please come untie me, it would be most appreciated.  
   
Genji: no one do it  
   
McCree: i'll do it  
   
D.VA: oh wot  
   
Genji: mccree? betraying me??? its more likely than you think  
   
Genji: friendship with mccree ended, new best friend d.va  
   
Reinhardt: my friend genji  
   
Reinhardt: i am proud of you on this day  
   
Genji: thanks rein but rn i got a cowboys ass to kick so  
   
McCree: fuck  
   
[McCree has gone idle]  
   
[Hanzo has gone Idle]  
   
Genji: you know what  
   
Genji: ill just settle for top ten anime betrayals, fuck you jesse  
   
D.VA: lmao  
   
Tracer: number one, weeaboo ninjas brother was untied by said weeb ninjas best friend in gay overwatch pals season four  
   
D.VA: w o w.  
   
Reinhardt: where are you getting these memes from this is beautiful  
   
D.VA: whats taking the old guys so long to untie han-douche  
   
[McCree is no longer idle]  
   
[Hanzo is no longer Idle]  
   
Genji: brother   
   
Genji: remember when you tried to dragon kill me   
   
Hanzo: Quite.  
   
McCree: what are you weeaboos even talking about lmao  
   
Genji: hanzo tried to kill me a second time lol  
   
Hanzo: I did not try an attempt on your life again, brother.  
   
Genji: you tried to dragon-murder meee

Genji: nice incense btw i would totally buy it  
   
D.VA: im sorry but i just read incest  
   
Genji: hANA NO  
   
Hanzo: Have you ever heard of a distraction? You seem riddled with them.

Genji: my dear brother hanzo,  
   
Genji: if i had any distractions i probably would have died because of your bootleg arrow thing where it splits in half a fucking trillion times  
   
Hanzo: I am almost insulted you do not recall the name of the arrow.  
   
Genji: well you didn't recall me :''))  
   
Hanzo: I admit, I have no excuse for that.  
   
Genji: I called you brother though this is rude   
   
Hanzo: How could I have known it was you? There is such a thing as grieving.  
   
Genji: ok i understand youre an idiot but I called you brother after I summoned my green dragon thingy how would that not be me lol  
   
McCree: genji are you okay tho  
   
Genji: nah man my mind is fucked lmao

Hanzo: Sometimes I would've preferred you'd have just ended me

Genji: pff, nah, almost-killing-me aside, you're still my brother.

Hanzo: And how would that have stopped you? You were still my brother, yet I did what I had done.

Genji: But in your eyes, I had done something wrong. 

Hanzo: In your eyes, I had done something wrong as well. I almost killed you, Genji.

Genji: I'm sorry. I should go.

[Genji has logged off]

Hanzo: What is he apologizing to me for?

McCree: I don't know, why don't you go ask him?

Hanzo: It is an unwise decision to ask about Genji's feelings.

McCree: well then, I guess Hana's fucked over in that section of the 'How to Talk to Genji' handbook

McCree: well, 'night hanzo

Hanzo: Goodnight, McCree.

[McCree has logged off]

[Hanzo has logged off]

Tracer: well, then.  
   
Tracer: night, loves.  
   
[Tracer has logged off]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and MERCY and WINSTON are just lurking while they pretend to do work, their users appearing idle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genjis kinda sad about making his brother sad :')
> 
> Lucio is a fucking gay meister for genji for some reason. My friend and I fucking love odd ships. Don't ask :'))))
> 
> RIGHT OKAY BASICALLY EVERYONE DOES SHIT AND TALKS ABOUT HOW LUCIO IS GAY AND GENJI IS GAY BUT WONT ADMIT IT
> 
> ALRIGHT HAVE FUN BECAUSE IM GONNA HIDE IN A CORNER BECAUSE I LIKE GENJI/LUCIO FOR SOME REASON AND SO DOES MY FRIEND AND I FEEL ATTACKED :') do not shipshame us at least mchanzo is something normal right :')))
> 
> SEE YA HAVE A GOOD TIME <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok my friend and I had to go over this so many times because the files kept dying as things happened such as sending a not completed chapter through email and then deleting the file and restarting computers and losing the edits... SO BASICALLY, at this point we're just gonna ask you to point out any mistakes, we're too damn tired to review it again lmao :P
> 
> This took w a y too long to edit and look over, and its been so long since we've written this and we're only just now posting it.  
> Again, please point out anything we missed, since we didn't check over it as much as we did the first like, four times, there's probably quite a bit we didn't see this time.
> 
> Thanks :') -Star/Cosmist
> 
> Also, hope you like the chapter lmao

\---{Tis' 7:40 pm}---

  
[McCree has logged on]

  
[Hanzo has logged on]

  
McCree: howdy there, hanzo

  
Hanzo: Greetings, McCree.

  
McCree: i'm usually the only one up now, why're you awake?

  
Hanzo: I do not need to sleep as much.

  
McCree: why's that so?

  
Hanzo: I suppose my father's training is to blame, random attacks from him in the night weren't uncommon, and as such I learned to sleep less and less.

  
McCree: hey, get some more sleep then.

  
Hanzo: I do not think I can, even if I try.

  
McCree: I will literally hug you and not let you move until you pass out

  
Hanzo: I do not think it works like that, McCree, though I do appreciate the effort.

  
McCree: too fuckin bad

  
[McCree has gone idle]

  
Hanzo: What?

  
[Hanzo has gone Idle]

  
[Mercy has logged on]

  
[D.Va has logged on

  
Mercy: May anyone tell me why there was a bang coming from Genji's room?

  
D.Va: i would say id check, but id rather not die lmao

  
Mercy: I will go check on him, wish me luck, Hana.

  
D.Va: good luck!! :'D

  
[Mercy has gone idle]

  
[Lucio has logged on]

  
Lucio: Heyo! What's up, Hana?

  
D.Va: from what i read above, gay. we might as well change our name to gaywatch by now.

  
Lucio: True, this entire team is just full of gays

  
Lucio: Wait, actually, good idea!

  
[Lucio has changed the room name to 'Overgays']

  
D.Va: that.

  
D.Va: is beautiful.

  
Lucio: I know.

  
\---{8:15 am}---

  
[Mercy has logged on]

  
Lucio: Oh hey, Angie! How was Genji?

  
Mercy: I mean, he was okay.

  
Lucio: What was it like?

  
Mercy: Well, his visor was smashed, and he was crying silently.

  
D.Va: i don't think that qualifies as okay lmao

  
Lucio: Jeez, why do you think he's so sad?

  
Mercy: Best not to ask, to be honest.

  
Lucio: That just makes me even more curious Angela why must you do this to me

  
Mercy: Well, go ask him yourself, then. I can't really give you any answers.

  
Lucio: Alright then, I'll go.

  
[Lucio has gone idle]

  
Mercy: Well, I'll have to get the medical equipment as someone has just come in. I will check back later.

  
D.Va: k

  
[Mercy has gone idle]

  
\---{8:21}---

  
[McCree is no longer idle]

  
McCree: guys btw

  
McCree: it worked

  
D.Va: seriously? like, actually?

  
McCree: lmao yeah i'm serious

  
D.Va: the gay is strong with this one

  
McCree: hana why

  
D.Va: its all gay now

  
McCree: stop bein a hana dong

  
D.Va: no

  
McCree: you didn't even acknowledge my perfect joke this is cruel

  
D.Va: that is not even close to a perfect joke, 늙은 방 귀 (* old fart)

  
McCree: you don't know shit about jokes you're a child lmao

  
D.Va: excuse me, we already went over this i am a perfectly legal adult 늙은 방 귀 (* old fart)

  
McCree: i'm still years older than you, you count as a child to me

  
McCree: again, 'we already went over this'

  
D.Va: then you're an ancient 늙은 방 귀 (* old fart)

  
McCree: ancient people know lots of stuff so that's a good thing, right?

  
McCree: ngl hanzo looks kinda cute when he's asleep

  
D.Va: that's gay

  
McCree: fuck you, you're gay :')

  
D.Va: thank you for noticing

  
McCree: why can I never do anything to hurt you lmao this is unfair

  
[Lucio is no longer idle]

  
Lucio: Hi, guys!

  
D.Va: heyy!! :DDD how'd your expedition go lmao

  
Lucio: It was fine, actually.

  
Lucio: I felt kinda bad for Genji, he felt really sad because he thought he like, forgave Hanzo about the whole killing thing, but he still got annoyed so like?? Yeah

  
Lucio: I'm still here with him, so I don't know how long I'll be able to stay on before I have to give him a hug :')

  
McCree: and hana thought  _i_ was gay

  
D.Va: for once i am proud of you, 늙은 방 귀 (* old fart)

  
McCree: that makes me feel more proud of myself than it should be

  
Lucio: I'm not gay, I'm just a nice guy! Guys please :/

  
D.Va: that's right, Lucio! you're just a nice, genjisexual guy.

  
Lucio: Stop

  
Lucio: I'm literally reading this next to Genji, Hana please

  
D.Va: you just gave me incentive to continue

  
Lucio: ...

  
[Lucio has gone idle]

 

McCree: oh boy

  
McCree: gayer than i

  
[Tracer has logged on]

  
Tracer: oh shit

  
Tracer: what's this?

  
Tracer: gayer than i

  
D.Va: you guys make me so proud sometimes

  
Tracer: if you're younger than me why does that make me feel so proud of myself

  
McCree: that's basically what i said lmao

  
D.Va: pfft you guys are weird

  
Tracer: hey shut up you ride in a mech thingy and say 'pew pew' while you shoot real people

  
D.Va: its called gamers spirit, and its fun as hell

  
D.Va: you should try it sometimeee

  
Tracer: fuck gamers spirit i've got fighting spirit

  
D.Va: suit yourself, but seriously- try saying pew pew when you shoot a gun, its addicting and _way_ too fun.

 

Tracer: ughhh

  
Tracer: fine, love. maybe I'll try it next time I'm fighting.

  
McCree: is everyone ignoring the fact that lucio went idle after he said he was next to genji?

  
McCree: i wonder what he and genji are doin, hm?

  
D.Va: i sense gay

  
McCree: ;))) lmao this makes me want to check on em now

  
D.Va: do you really want to do that if they're doing the gay dance?

  
Tracer: ok listen here jesse y'old fuck you are literally texting next to a sleeping hanzo probably thinking hes cute

  
Tracer: u cant say anything

  
D.Va: lmao

  
McCree: excuse me

  
McCree: ill have you know im just admiring him

  
Tracer: 'admiring him'

  
McCree: ok maybe i patted his head a couple times but thats it i swear

  
Tracer: 'thats it i swear'

  
McCree: it _is_

  
D.Va: its gay is what it is

  
McCree: ok i may be super gay for this man

  
McCree: but i hugged him to sleep and i have the chance to stare at him as much as i want until he wakes up

  
McCree: the fuck did you think i'd do, leave?

  
[Lucio is no longer idle]

  
Lucio: You guys kinda ruined everything but also maybe made it ok? Honestly not sure which

  
D.Va: oh, that sounds g r e at

  
Lucio: right so

  
D.Va: please tell me the gay happened-

  
Lucio I mean

  
Lucio: Uh, well,

  
Lucio: Genji kind of read everything?

  
Lucio: And then we were super awkward and everything was bad right

  
Lucio: but then he hugged me and said thanks?? But then he left so like I dunno if this is a win or lose situation.

  
D.Va: my gay senses are tingling. this was most definitely a win

  
Lucio: I mean it as in if I helped him or not, Hana. He seemed sad yet he thanked me, so?

  
Lucio: I'm really confused now, should I go after him or something?

  
D.Va: do it bro, chase your gay dreams

  
Lucio: I'm not gay.

  
Lucio: I'm genjisexual.

  
[Lucio has gone idle]

  
Tracer: that

  
Tracer: was fucking beautiful

  
McCree: i will shed a damn tear

 

D.Va: you kiddos are making me so proud I actually might die

 

McCree: hey, who are _you_ callin' kiddo?

  
[Genji has logged on]

  
McCree: genji finally

  
Tracer: oi jesse shut up, love, genji's probably still fighting off that gay he thinks isn't real

  
Tracer: let him take his time

  
D.Va: and just when i thought i couldn't be any prouder, b o o m.

  
Genji: what?

  
Tracer: genj.

  
Genji: don't call me genj

  
Tracer: Genj.

  
Genji: fine, yeah?

  
Tracer: you

  
Tracer: are

  
Tracer: g a y

  
D.Va: the gay is spreading 늙은 방 귀, just accept it (* old fart)

  
Genji: i'm not gay though?

  
McCree: i denied that i was gay, all while i was staring at your brother while he was asleep

  
McCree: there's no point in lying

  
Genji: but i'm not gay

  
Tracer: what the fuck did we just say

  
D.Va: you are gay m'dude, no point in denying what's already there

  
Genji: stop

  
McCree: oh btw lucio is looking for you

  
[Genji has gone idle]

  
[Mercy is no longer idle]

  
D.Va: maybe he's right, maybe he isn't gay. maybe he's just... luciosexual

.  
Mercy: ... What?

 

D.Va: oh hello, angie

  
D.Va: welcome to the gay zone, where everyone is either gay or going to be.

  
Mercy: But I am no homosexual, Hana.

  
D.Va: riiight

  
Mercy: I am indeed right about my own sexual orientation, Hana. Now, would anyone care to explain the fucking dashing I’m hearing down the halls?

  
McCree: Genji's being gay and he wont admit it

  
Mercy: Maybe it's because he isn't, but why is that a reason to run, anyway? Surely he's not running from you?

  
McCree: oh, no, he's running because i told him lucio was looking for him

  
Mercy: Okay, yeah.

  
Mercy: He's definitely gay.

  
[Mercy has gone idle]

  
D.Va: lmao

  
McCree: damn, even ziegler thinks he's gay

  
D.Va: she doesn't _think_ he is- she knows. we all know. he is gay.

  
Tracer: true.

  
Tracer: Ok but right now I want to grab some crumpets and throw them at Genji because he said he'd do that to

me

  
Tracer: I want to drown him in tea too, he threatened to do that as well :’), but I don’t know if he needs to breathe or not anymore

 

Tracer: damn cyborgs

  
Tracer: he does, right?

  
D.Va: idk, he probably does? I have no idea. If not, well, I think he's got skin somewhere so just like, scald him with hot tea?? I dunno, we'll have to ask angie later lmao

  
Tracer: alright then

  
Tracer: cheers bitches, the crumpets are here

  
[Tracer has gone idle]

  
D.Va: i am _way_ too proud of you old geezers for this to be natural

 

D.Va: honestly

  
McCree: all hail gaymaster Hana

 

D.Va: y e s

  
[Lucio is no longer idle]

  
Lucio: Guys ughh

  
Lucio: I can't find Genjiiii

  
McCree: He was literally just running everywhere looking for you

  
Lucio: Oh, he moves fast as hell, probably why I couldn't find him

  
[Tracer is no longer idle]

  
Tracer: Nah he was just getting crumpets thrown at him don't worry

  
Tracer: I made him feel better because we were teasing him for being gay, because he is, and then I proceeded

to tell him to go follow his gay dreams, so i told him where you are

  
Tracer: And I don't think he noticed I said gay dreams because he said thanks and then vanished

  
Tracer: either that or Benjamin here has finally accepted he's gay

  
D.Va: can i be in invited to your gay wedding, luci?

  
Lucio: I dunno

  
Lucio: I don't think Genji's gay enough for me lmao

  
D.Va: oh my god if you two do not get together, i will lock you both in cowboys disgusting room

  
McCree: wait what

  
McCree: how have you been in my room

  
Lucio: Wait, what's so bad about Jesse's room?

  
McCree: Lucio you’ve betrayed me why did you ask

  
McCree: this is bullshit

  
McCree: nice knowing y’all

  
[McCree has gone idle]

  
D.Va: annnnd the cowboy is gone

  
Lucio: I asked a question

  
Tracer: you don't want to know

  
D.Va: its bad, bro. its b a d

  
Lucio: But that's—

  
Lucio: You know what, you're right. I really don't want to know.

  
Lucio: Well, I see Genji at the end of the hallway.

  
[Lucio has gone idle]

  
D.Va: all hail gay

  
Tracer: all hail gay

  
Tracer: Damn today has been a pretty  **gay** day

  
Tracer: but not successful, not yet. genjisexual Lucio must get with his love.

  
D.Va: indeed he must

 

D.Va: and _I've got a plan_

 

D.Va: ;)))))

 

Tracer: good, _good._ ;)))

  
[McCree is no longer idle]

  
McCree: I agree but y'all better not be getting in my room

  
McCree: now if you’ll excuse me hanzo has woken up and i'm feelin’ sad

  
[McCree has logged off]

  
D.Va: i ship it

  
Tracer: same hana

  
Tracer: you're my favourite.

  
Tracer: but now, i must prepare more tea and crumpets. next mission, i'll be sure to say 'pew pew' when I shoot someone.

  
Tracer: see you, love!

  
[Tracer has logged off]

  
[D.Va has logged off]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: He's not gay— he's just genjisexual.


	3. Gaywatch™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Overwatch you're either part gay, gay, or going to be one of the two. Unless you're Reinhardt. Reinhardt is straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the quality of this chapter is SHIT, its our worst chapter yet (and we've already pre-written like another ten of them or something, we just haven't edited them)
> 
> both of us hate it and we're so sorry, they get better after this.

[Lucio has logged on]

Lucio:  it’s official

Lucio:  i’m gay

Lucio:  gayer than you’d expect

[D.Va has logged on]

D.Va: knew it

Lucio: hana help me

Lucio: i’m too much of a genjisexual you don’t even know

Lucio: it’s been like a fucking day

D.Va: dude. i ship it so hard.

Lucio: why

Lucio: dude he probably doesn’t even take a second glance at me

Lucio: i might as well be throwing up flowers right now

D.Va: mhmmm right okay, totally explains why he was dashing through the hallways to find you.

Lucio: fine, i'll get some flowers or something for him

Lucio: do you know what kinda flowers he'd like, or what?

D.Va: red chrysanthemums mean "I love you", they're also very beautiful, but uh, other than that, I don't know shit about flowers. sorry boi :'')

Lucio: That’s good enough. Thanks, Hana!

[Lucio has gone idle]

D.Va: i’ve done my daily gay contribution

[Tracer has logged on]

Tracer: HANA HOLY SHIT

Tracer: I CAN’T NOT SAY PEW PEW ANYMORE

Tracer: you’ve converted me, D.Va

D.Va: o n e  o f  u s

Tracer: hana

Tracer: what have you done

Tracer: wait, one of us?

Tracer: who else is there?

D.Va: uhhhhhhhHHHHH

Tracer: D.Va

Tracer: Hana Song

Tracer: have you made a pew pew cult

D.Va: . . . y e s . .

Tracer: Oh my god hana

[McCree has logged on]

Tracer: McCree this girl literally made a pew pew cult

D.Va: sh

McCree: what the fuck is a pew pew cult

Tracer: a cult to say 'pew pew' when you shoot

McCree: as i said way earlier

McCree: overwatch was a mistake

McCree: i’m gonna go and be gay because i want to look at hanzo. this pew pew cult is already killin’ my brain more than smoking is killing my lungs

McCree: D.Va i’m disappointed in you

D.Va: says the cowboy lmao just go fulfill your daily gay quota, old man

[McCree is now idle]

Tracer: hana

Tracer: i have news

D.Va: ooOOOHHHH

Tracer: I'm not part of the Pew Pew Cult.

Tracer: i’m part of the

Tracer: Pew Pew Pew Cult. The better one.

Tracer: join me

D.Va: . . . o f  c o u r s e. i should’ve known my protege would abandon me- but yeah, i’ll join you lmao

Tracer: good.

[Genji has logged on]

Tracer: Hey genji benji! whats up? ;))))

D.Va: have you fulfilled your daily gay of the day yet, old man?

Genji: Gay of the day...?

D.Va: have you done a gay today?

Genji: I'm not even gay, D.Va.

D.Va: f i n e

D.Va: have you done a luciosexual act today

Genji: What do you mean 'luciosexual'?

Genji: Is that even a sexual orientation?

Genji: Wait

Genji: Oh my god Hana stop.

D.Va: not until you answer mEEE

Genji: So my answer is no

D.Va: . . . you should do a luciosexual act today-

Genji: Not sure what Lucio has to do with everything, but I’m not gay.

D.Va: i wasn’t implying you were gay lol, i just said you should do a luciosexual act today

[Tracer has changed room name to 'Genji Shimada is Gay']

D.Va: trace, i love you so much rn-

Genji: Why do you people try and convince me that I'm gay

Genji: Because I'm not

Tracer: be proud of me, pew pew pew leader.

D.Va: you’re either gay or going to be, old man. there is no choice here lmao

Genji: Ugh.

D.Va: ;)

Genji: If any of you want 'news' on Lucio, he bought me some red flowers. I put them in a vase in my room. It looks nice.

Genji: I don't know what type of flowers they are, though.

Genji: Wasn't really a botanist or anything, you know?

D.Va: . . .  i’m so proud of m'boi luci

Genji: Why

D.Va: i suggested what flowers to give to you~ I CAN’T BELIEVE I GAVE GOOD ADVICE FOR ONCE LMAO-

Genji: He asked?

Genji: rightt wow ok

[Genji has gone idle]

Tracer: just watching from afar. this conversation is beautiful.

D.Va: ikr

Tracer: he’s so gay

Tracer: jesse knows he’s gay

Tracer: we know he’s gay

Tracer: even ziegler knows he’s gay

Tracer: we just have to make him know he is.

D.Va: he is just in gay denial, he'll get over it soon

Tracer: but this is taking yEARSS

Tracer: its ba  d

Tracer: we need to convert him

Tracer: oH BY THE WAY

Tracer: I’ve heard lucio’s new music and it’s about cyborg idiot

Tracer: it doesn’t mention him or anything to do with cyborgs and/or idiots though :')))

D.Va: pff Hana Song, a professional matchmaker for what, two days? already getting the gay on

Tracer: but hana that’s how good lucio really is

Tracer: he doesn’t even have to mention his gay love but he still manages to put all the concentrated gay into a song

D.Va: now that i think about it, handsoap hasn’t admitted to being gay either- what is with shimadas

Tracer:  ...

Tracer: holy shit

Tracer: you’re right.

Tracer: you convert genji

Tracer: i convert hanzo

Tracer: and our work will be done

Tracer: and we will live forever as the pew pew pew cult

D.Va: wait- what about ange tho

Tracer: she said she was a hetero...

Tracer: get mccree to convert her

Tracer: they’re friends or some shit

D.Va: i bet he'll convert her by just talking about his room

Tracer: but who is she gay for? i haven’t needed to go to the medical shit for a while and i haven't talked to her in a bit other than over text on here, and she's barely on

[McCree is no longer idle]

D.Va: omg-- maybe she has a secret lover and thats why she isn’t on---

Tracer: wait oml

McCree: I think i came at the wrong time

D.Va: n o, this was the perfect time to enter

McCree: i’m starting to believe you two need to be separated

D.Va: sh

[Tracer changed user McCree's name to 'McFuck']

McFuck: tracer what the fuck

Tracer: you dare to threaten our friendship

D.Va: i am proud.

[McFuck changed name to 'Genji is gay']

Genji is gay: please forgive me now

D.Va: hmmmm- should we

Tracer: Yes, we shall forgive him. However, at a price. Hana, love, let us reveal our plan.

Genji is gay: convert mercy to gay

Tracer: fuck you i was gonna make it cool

Tracer: but yes i want you to convert ange

D.Va: wait, have we made a gay cult accidentally

Tracer: The Gay Pew Pew Pew Cult

D.Va: y e s

Genji is gay: wait i have a good idea

Tracer: and what would that be

[Genji is gay changed name to 'Angela is gay']

[Angela is gay changed user Tracer's name to 'Hanzo is gay']

[Angela is gay changed user D.Va's name to 'Genji is gay']

Genji is gay: this is actually pretty good for a Jesse idea, gg

Hanzo is gay: let us set out on our expedition

Hanzo is gay: and now everyone knows who we will convert.

Angela is gay: why are you making me do this

Hanzo is gay: Because

Hanzo is gay:  You're gay.

Genji is gay: it’s all gay now, old man

Hanzo is gay:  wE'rE aLL gAy nOw

Hanzo is gay:  rip morrison

Angela is gay:  dude what the hell lmao

Hanzo is gay:  i’m sorry i had to

Hanzo is gay: jack had some pretty gay lines he said

Angela is gay: speaking of gay, time to convert.

[Genji is gay has changed Genji is gay’s name to D.Va]

{time skipperino}

{tis now 2 pm same day}

Hanzo is gay:  I don't like hanzo he’s so mean to me :'')))

Hanzo is gay:  i want change

Hanzo is gay: i will have to make him gayer

[Hanzo has logged on]

Hanzo is gay:  OH HELLO THERE HANZO

Hanzo is gay:  D.Va please help me

D.Va: lmao suree

Hanzo: Should I be concerned you two are plotting against me?

Hanzo is gay:  absolutely not

Hanzo is gay:  we aren’t planning against you

Hanzo is gay:  we're planning something for you

Hanzo is gay: wait wait

Hanzo is gay:  oH MY GOD

Hanzo is gay:  I KNOW I’M NOT IN CHARGE OF THE GENJI CONVERTING BUT HANA GET OVER HERE

Hanzo is gay:  i’m trying to stay quiet

D.Va: oh boi

Hanzo is gay: they’re over there

Hanzo is gay:  by lucio’s room

Hanzo is gay:  oooooh boi

Hanzo is gay:  cheers love the genji is queer

Hanzo: I am vaguely amused by both of your antics.

Hanzo is gay:  you don’t understand hanzo

Hanzo is gay: your brother is emitting high levels of GAY

Hanzo: Oh I know. I had to grow up escorting him on his dates.

Hanzo is gay:  wait.

Hanzo is gay:  what?

Hanzo is gay:  what is this i’m seeing?

Angela is gay: oh my god what

D.Va: ohhhHHH

Hanzo is gay:  GENJI’S A FUCKING LIAR

Hanzo is gay:  I’M REVEALING MYSELF

Hanzo is gay:  I HAVE SO MUCH PROOF

Hanzo is gay:  HANZO’S TEXT AND THEIR HUGGING

Hanzo: This is quite entertaining.

Hanzo is gay:  nope, nope, they’re both hiding in lucios room.

Hanzo is gay:  slammed the door.

Hanzo is gay:  welp, loves, seems like i’m not going in there any time soon.

D.Va: they doing the gay

Hanzo is gay: hanzo i now have one question to ask you

Hanzo is gay: are you gay

Hanzo is gay:  because it seems so

Hanzo is gay:  actually why am i asking

Hanzo is gay:  of course you’re gay

Hanzo is gay:  you’re hanzo

Hanzo: Haha. No, I'm not gay.

Hanzo is gay:  you are

Hanzo: No, I don't believe I am.

Hanzo is gay:  if i shoved you and mccree into a closet i doubt you’d be uncomfortable

Hanzo is gay:  i mean sure there isn’t any space but i’m sure you wouldn’t mind that ;))

D.Va: gay denial must run in shimada blood, d a m n

Hanzo is gay:  but you’re in a closet right now so

Hanzo is gay: get outta there hanzo

Hanzo is gay: break free from the closet

Hanzo is gay:  c’mon

Hanzo is gay:  you either get out or i’ll be putting jesse in there with you, love

Hanzo: I am not in the closet, Tracer.

Hanzo is gay:  oh but you are, Hanzo

Hanzo is gay:  ew what is it with the shimada’s

Hanzo is gay:  stop being not gay

D.Va: overgays is full of the gay, just accept your fate old mannn

[Hanzo is gay changed room name to 'The-Shimadas-are-Gay']

Hanzo: I am not gay, you two.

D.Va: i am smelling the strong, pungent smell of b u l l s h i t-

Hanzo is gay:  damn i don’t know about that handsoap

Hanzo: Why must you call me such a ridiculous name.

Hanzo is gay:  why must you tell such a ridiculous lie?

D.Va: gg, trace. g freaking g.

Hanzo: I am not lying, but if I was, I would actually compliment you on such a witty comment.

Hanzo is gay: how long is it going to take you..?

[Genji is no longer idle]

D.Va: oh great, two gay denial bros

Genji: Oh, god.

Genji: I'm here to say that Tracer scared Lucio what the fuck

Hanzo is gay:  yeah alright

D.Va: wow

D.Va: not even a hello, r u d e

Genji: i’m not gay and you’re all calling me gay :’(

Genji: would you expect a hello from me

Hanzo: Genji, you do remember I took you on all those dates, correct? They know you are very much attracted to the same sex.

Genji: wow thanks brother

[Genji has gone idle]

Hanzo is gay:  h a

Hanzo is gay:  oh shit

D.Va: i think you broke him

Hanzo is gay:  oh fuck

Hanzo is gay:  yeah i’m still near Lucio’s room

Hanzo is gay:  which Genji is currently in

D.Va: whatchu hearing

Hanzo is gay: ...

Hanzo is gay: A metallic voice, screeching angrily.

Hanzo: That sounds about right.

Hanzo is gay:  And a sad Lucio like 'are you ok' 'what happened'

D.Va: i don’t know whether to laugh, or feel sad like Luci

[Hanzo is gay changed name to Tracer]

Tracer: don’t laugh

Tracer: my ears are dying

Hanzo: I believe that is karma, Tracer.

Tracer: for what

Hanzo: Harassing me, of course.

Tracer: excuse me

Tracer: you know what i’m just gonna break down their door

Tracer: fuck karma, i’m going to reassure that being gay isn’t something to deny

D.Va: you go gurl

Tracer: ahem ahem HANZO

Tracer: because it’s good

Tracer: and we are all g a y

Hanzo: I can't deny being something I am not.

Tracer: Hanzo that’s legit what Genji saiddd

D.Va: we need to smother everyone in gay vibes

Hanzo: Did he?

Tracer: 'i’m not gay' - Genji

Tracer: 'i’m not gay' - Hanzo

Tracer: both shimada’s, coincidence?

[Genji is no longer idle]

Tracer: oh shit

Hanzo: Welcome back, Genji.

Genji: Tracer

Genji: Come in here

D.Va: oh boi

Genji: actually Hana you too get the fuck over here

D.Va: n o

Genji: Hana

Genji: i’m gay get the fuck over here

D.Va: ... damn it, i know it’s bait, but o k a y-

Genji: good lmao Lucio, Tracer and i are waiting

Tracer: what is happening

Hanzo: I am curious as to what is transpiring, as well.

Genji: fuck you hanzo you won’t get anything from me

Genji: ok right dumb brothers out of the way

[Lucio is no longer idle]

Lucio: wwwhattts up haha

Tracer: why are you texting

Lucio: Hanzo cause he isn’t here, also

Lucio: i’m a fucking genjisexual l et s  g o

Genji: this is number 9 on top ten anime betrayals because hanzo doesn’t deserve to listen but the one i’m gay for lets him look anyway

Genji: :’))) anyway

Genji: Tracer, Hana, you’ve been pieces of shit for a bit, however

Genji: thank you for ruining my amazing plan but I’m still gay either way, and can I join your cult, too?

Tracer: y e s

D.Va: welcome to the gay side, we have more gay shit than you can imagine.

Tracer: dva

Tracer: one down, two to go.

Tracer: i shed a tear.

D.Va: i know, i’m right next to you lmao i’m so proud

Genji: wait

Genji: two to go?

Tracer: ange and hanzo need to be converted

Hanzo: I cannot be converted to something I am not, Tracer. It is amusing to see you try, however.

Tracer: too bad handsoap

Genji: Hanzo

Genji: you talked about me

Genji: i got a couple of things for the Gay Pew Pew Pew cult

Hanzo: Genji. No.

Genji: Genji yes.

Hanzo: I will literally beg. Do not do this.

Genji: oh Hanzo, dear brother, do you not understand karma?

Tracer: yEAH AND YOU SAID I GOT BAD KARMA FUCK YOU HANZO

D.Va: this is getting pretty spicy

Tracer: ok sorry but

Tracer: :''')) still salty

Hanzo: Tracer, please make him stop. Help.

Tracer: Hanzo 'this is karma for harassing me' shimada

Tracer: Hanzo 'help me tracer' shimada

Tracer: no

Tracer: I mean there’s not much we can do to stop him anyways, and plus if you’re begging for him not to say it we know you’re gay already :’)

Hanzo: Yes, because suddenly Genji has info on me right after I told you he was gay. Not suspicious at all.

Tracer: k lmao

Hanzo: Are you really going to do this to me.

Tracer: I thought you said it was suspicious?

Tracer: If it isn't real, you shouldn’t be begging for him to stop, hm?

Tracer: anyways Genji tell us :’)

Hanzo: It doesn't matter, whatever I do, the outcome is the same.

Tracer: the outcome is that you’re gay either way

Hanzo: I meant that my brother would tell you the information either way, Tracer.

Hanzo: Must you jump to conclusions.

Tracer: oh.

Tracer: i mean you’re still gay but

Genji: okay when i say this

Genji: i say this with respect

Genji: a lot of fucking respect  

Hanzo: I will lock myself in my room. Don't.

Genji: my brother did really like smooth flirting with all these men right

Genji: but it was really good shit like don’t get me wrong hanzo was good at this

Genji: so there i was, having some dumb ‘relationships’ and no actual love while hanzo was turning straights into gays and making them fall for him hard until he left the fucking country without a word

Genji: cruel older brother

[Hanzo has gone Idle]

Genji: if Hanzo was like that now

Genji: Lucio'd be gone from me and he would’ve been with my brother like a fucking billion years ago

Lucio: not true, you’re great

Genji: you don’t even know what he was like, what i’m saying is a fucking fraction

Genji: you’d think i was the relationship guy

D.Va: guys- im literally right next to his room you have no idea how funny this is--- i hear him screaming into his pillow-- Genji, my main buddy chum pal, th a n k you for this beautiful recording

Genji: oh you’re god damn welcome

Genji: being part of the gay club is great why did i not come here earlier

D.Va: shimada gay denial

Genji: i was pulling a hanzo with the serious capitalized sentences with punctuation

Genji: thats dumb

Genji: shimada gay denial, yeah lmao

[Hanzo is no longer Idle]

Hanzo: If I say what you want me to say, will you stop nagging me.

Genji: yes

Tracer: y e s

Hanzo: Duly noted. Until tomorrow, then.

[Hanzo has logged off]

McCree: Im gonna mcfucking cry

D.Va: he’s fucking giggling

McCree: this was my dream, you fuckin dick

D.Va: he’s fRICKING GIGGLING LIKE A HIGHSCHOOL GIRL-

McCree: HANZO I THOUGHT I LOVED YOU

D.Va:.... that’s gay.

McCree: fUCK THIS

[McCree has logged off]

D.Va: this almost worked

Tracer: i’m so disappointed in hanzo

Tracer: oh fuck i hear jesse

D.Va: oh no- do i need to break into handsoaps room and mcslap him??

Tracer: fuck. time to go sort this jesse situation out. let’s just torture hanzo until he admits he's gay :'((

Tracer: lmao agh overwatch is so gay, see you there when we have to hold mccree back lmao

D.Va: i can’t get into handouche’s room, what is this sorcery???

Tracer: I'll be there in a sec. Genji, mind helping? Ninja skills are needed tbh lmao

Genji: gotcha, fellow gaymeisters

D.Va: so proud.

Tracer: cya in a sec then, loves!

Genji: right. let’s make sure hanzo doesn’t die, we need to hear him say he’s gay.

D.Va: what about mccree?

Genji: nahhh, he’ll be fine.

Tracer: whatever you want to believe, love :')) 

[Tracer has logged off]

Genji: bye bye, young fart

[Genji has logged off]

D.Va: bye old fart lmao

[D.Va has logged off]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you got through that without wanting to die please take your Bullshit Award


	4. Double Whammy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mercy reveals a surprise and steals some voice lines in the process
> 
> Hanzo initiates an old Meme to confirm the Gay™ (Reinhardt is proud.)
> 
> And two "new" characters come to Gaywatch™!
> 
> So basically, the Gaywatch gets a whole lot more gayer than we ever thought it could! ...
> 
> We all knew this was coming, to be honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I M P O R T A N T !!!!
> 
> SO, cosmist, the person who usually posted and edited (Though I do edit with them, they insist on more changes that you'll probaby notice I don't change in this chapter.) chapters, has fallen out of Overwatch! My love of it has only grown, however, and I've only just gotten the nerve to get up to edit and post a chapter! 
> 
> So uh, I hope this is satisfactory! Honestly, things just continue getting better and better from here on! Though I'll have to test something and see how it runs in a couple more chapters or so.
> 
> but yeah, enjoy and shit lmfao

{Like the next day or something after Hanzo refused to be a gay and didnt save a horse to ride a cowboy}

[Genji has logged on]

Genji: you do realize that as soon as I found out lucio was a genjisexual™ i was trying to keep the gay a surprise and hanzo ruined it all

Genji: i was gonna make you all so proud of me :''))

Genji: but i just looked like one of the converted

Genji: and for that, I want Hanzo to say he's gay.

Genji: giggling cocky bullshitter

[Genji has gone idle]

[Hanzo has logged on]

Hanzo: I do not giggle.

[Genji is no longer idle]

Genji: tell that to hana

Genji: and me

Genji: and tracer

Genji: we all heard you, why do you even try?

Genji: lmao anyways gotta go with me gay bab

[Genji has gone idle]

[D.VA has logged on]

D.VA: first of all, fuck you handsoap. secondly, i ship it so hard.

[Mercy has logged on]

Mercy: This entire chatroom has been so great, I've been reading the logs

[Genji is no longer idle]

Genji: so youve been here the whole time basically

Mercy: Not in this chatroom. I was indeed still idle from my phone, but we said we were monitoring all chat activity.

Genji: ahem, so youve been here the whole time basically

Mercy: Yes, pretty much.

D.VA: so you saw hanzo being an ass?

Mercy: Indeed I did. Though I also saw plans from a Gay Pew Pew Pew Cult, and I am now hiding from all of you.

Hanzo: I am hiding as well. Good luck, Mercy.

Mercy: You have no right to hide, Hanzo, you said you would say what they wanted you to. Get out of your hiding spot or I'm not ressurrecting you next time you die.

Hanzo: I will make a deal, if anyone is willing to listen?

Genji: ...

Genji: im listening.

Hanzo: If you can find me, I will in person, to each and every single one of you, state that I am homosexual.  
D.VA: . . .

Genji: didn't you just do that right now

Genji: well i mean not really

Genji: i'll say im homo = im homo

D.VA: the gay needs to happen- anyone opposed to taking handouches challenge???

Genji: I'm gonna go find him with Lucio

[Tracer has logged on]

Tracer: but thats gay

D.VA: very gay

Mercy: Oh, by the way, Hanzo, that time Jesse got you to sleep he was staring at you and patting your head the entire time. Just some more homosexuality I wanted to add in.

Hanzo: what.

Genji: @McCree get in here look at ange's text lmao

[McCree has logged on]

McCree: what yall want me here for

McCree: wait

[McCree has gone idle]

Mercy: And there it is. Jesse McCree, screaming down the halls.

D.VA: I think you broke him, ange lmao

Mercy: Too bad for him, then.

Tracer: am i hearing things or did angie just yell "Shut the hell up McFuck, you've got a dick to suck' to jesse right now i am actually crying that is my favourite thing mercy has ever said ever

D.VA: i am so proud

Tracer: i am going to fucking die oh my goddd

Genji: oh my god I wish I was there to hear that

Mercy: Where could you have possibly gone in six minutes?

[Lucio has logged on]

Lucio: To find Hanzo

Genji: we're literally just running around the base we havent gone far, angela

Mercy: Then how did you not hear me?

Genji: lmao gee i dunno maybe we're not in the same hallway lol

[McCree is no longer idle]

McCree: yall i hear rustling in my room lmao

[Hanzo has gone Idle]

Genji: oh.

Lucio: O h.

[McCree has gone idle]

D.VA: my gay senses are tingling(edited)

Tracer: continuing on the ' o h '

Tracer: O H

Lucio: hana if your gay senses are tingling then that means

D.VA: the gay is happening

Genji: the goddess of the Gay Pew Pew Pew / possibly meme queen has spoken

Tracer: im already blinking over

D.VA: I'm just gonna watch the chat channels lmao- as much as i love gay, i literally pulled an all-nighter to finish my 24 hour stream :')

Tracer: r00d

Tracer: well we'll be sure to keep this shit outta the chatroom, love ;))))

D.VA: thats so mean D:

Tracer: get off ur lazy ass then

D.VA: i cant moovvveeee- me leggos feel like jello

Tracer: im carrying u there.

D.VA: thank you.

Tracer: no problemo Song, but we gotta go fast™ so we can catch the gays™

D.VA: yeee

Tracer: ill getcha then

[Tracer has gone idle]

[D.VA has gone Idle]

Genji: i love how my brother calls me gay and he just now notices how gay jesse is ;)))

[Genji has gone idle]

{Sometime later that day!...Probably.}

[Tracer is no longer idle]

[Genji is no longer idle]

[McCree is no longer idle]

Genji: that was fucking beautiful

McCree: im just going to sit in this corner

Tracer: but that was so gay that its deserving of being featured in the Gay Pew Pew Pew Cult catalogue!

Genji: there's a fucking catalogue?

Tracer: fuck yeah dude

[D.VA is no longer Idle]

D.VA: every cult needs a catalogue

McCree: what the fuck is this gay pew pew pew cult ive been hearing so much about on this chat tho

Genji: the Gay Pew Pew Pew Cult™ is where we say Pew Pew Pew each time we shoot (or in my case, when i throw those dank shurikens). We're also all gay.

Tracer: seems about right, yeah

D.VA: pretty much lmao

McCree: why did you create this?

McCree: what did i do to deserve to know the creation of this shit

D.VA: gay.

McCree: i dont deserve to fucking die

McCree: yall stop screeching Pew Pew Pew when you shoot or im gonna fuckin' die

D.VA: n o .

Genji: i want to test this theory

McCree: genji you dont even have guns why do you say pew pew pew anyway lmao

Tracer: gASSSSSSSSSSSP

Genji: because i have an imagination :''''''''''''''''')))

Genji: wait

Genji: The Gay Pew Pew Pew 'N Shank Cult

Genji: I want to yell 'shank' as obnoxiously as possible when I swift strike someone and kill them with spiky thin pieces of metal

D.VA: d o i t

Genji: y e s

Genji: indeed i will do it

D.VA: g o o d.

[Hanzo is no longer Idle]

McCree: OI

Tracer: excuse me

Tracer: are you stealing my lines?

McCree: yes.

[Reinhardt has logged on]

Reinhardt: hello! what did i miss over these days?

D.VA: gay.

Reinhardt: Obviously?? This is Overwatch we're talking about loll

Reinhardt: What sort of g a y 's been happening here, then?

D.VA: the gayest gay of overgay history.

Reinhardt: And what would the gayest gay of Overgay history be...?

Genji: the shimadas

Genji: the shi mada madas

Genji: we are a gay bunch of people let me tell ya that, rein

Hanzo: I believe I lost a challenge?

Tracer: i dont believe shit

Tracer: i kno

Tracer: yes of fucking course you lost that challenge lmao keep your end of that bargain up or ill tear your body into shreds and/or ill place you in the void in a split second as i blink

Hanzo: I am nothing, if not honorable.

Tracer: fuck off, han-zoe, i threaten and then i do it

Tracer: do you want to be put in a void of nothingness?? :''))

Hanzo: Preferably not. How shall I carry out my part of the deal?

Tracer: you are gay, are you not?

Tracer: r i g h t?

Hanzo: うん。(“Yes.”)

Genji: o handso, my brudder.

Genji: i am proud my bro

Reinhardt: Couple of questions! What challenge, and is that supposed to be a yes?

Genji: 'if u find me ill say wot u want me to say lol'

Hanzo: I am ashamed I lost such a bet.

Genji: which is "I am indeed a motherfucking homosexual man who is almost absolutely in love with a man who dresses up as a cowboy"

Hanzo: What.

Genji: and for the second question; yes. because he lost the frickity frackin bet lmao

Tracer: shh hanzo

Tracer: genji benji knows what he's sayin, love ;)

D.VA shit i missed the gay admission- i am sad

Genji: it is alright Meme Song, there is much more gay to come

Hanzo: Am I the only one confused by Genji's earlier comment.

Tracer: we at the Gay Pew Pew Pew 'N Shank Cult™ seek out all gAY activity so we will be fucking sure to get some more shit on people

Tracer: SPEAKING OF WHICH

Tracer: ANGELA I KNOW YOURE LURKING ON HERE AND I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU ARE INDEED A WOMAN WITH A SEXUAL ORIENTATION THAT HAPPENS TO BE OF THE NAME HOMOSEXUAL

D.VA: :DDDDDD

[Mercy has logged on]

Mercy: Indeed I am not of the sexual orientation known as homosexual,

D.VA: lies.

Genji: wait i see that fuckin comma

Genji: mercy no what are you doing

Mercy: Lmao

Mercy: Mercy yes I'll do what I want

D.VA: oh boi

Mercy: I am not of the sexual orientation homosexual, often referred to as gay, but I am the sexual orientation known as bisexual

Mercy: and ill have u idiots kno i am as much of a gay pew pew pew n shank cult memeber as any of you

Genji: is my visor flicking again

Genji: is it malfunctioning

D.VA: oh my g o d

Genji: because i seem to see angela typing in all lowercase, saying u and kno, and saying ill instead of I'll

Genji: and she stated the name of our beautiful cult

Genji: welcome to the fucking club, ange

Hanzo: I am vaguely concerned.

Genji: stfu handso

Genji: you dont understand

Hanzo: How can I shut up, if I am not even speaking?

Genji: 私たちはあなたを含め、同性愛者です。 彼女はカルトのメンバーです。 あなたは違う。 この部屋から出てください。(“We are all gay, including you. She is a member of the cult, you are not. Please leave this room.”)

Genji: stop it my brother

Hanzo: すみません。私もあなたと同じ部屋ではありません。(“Excuse me, I am not even in the same room.”)

Hanzo: I don’t understand your logic, brother.

Genji: 私はチャットルームを意味しました。 あなた自身をファックしてください。(“I meant chatroom, go fuck yourself.”)

Mercy: we dont understand a word youre saying

Hanzo: Brother, that is highly inappropriate.

Tracer: yeah loves let us read :'''')))

McCree: did someone say inappropriate because im all for that

Genji: I asked him to fuck himself lmao

McCree: why have him fuck himself when i exist

McCree: wait fuck bye lmao

Hanzo: What.

[McCree has gone idle]

Genji: oh

D.VA: g a y .

Reinhardt: g a y

Genji: g a y

Hanzo: I do not understand what just happened.

Reinhardt: hanzo

Reinhardt: youre like forty or something

Reinhardt: do I need to give you The Talk™

Reinhardt: lmao my dear you need to understand what being gay truly means, but I cant really tell you because I am indeed a heterosexual

Tracer: gassssspppp

Hanzo: I have flirted multiples times in my life, I just don’t expect anything out of it.

Genji: Hanzo

D.VA: oh my god

Genji: I'll be blunt with you

Genji: jesse

Genji: wants

Genji: to

Genji: mcfuck

Genji: can you not read english

Genji: mada mada bro

Hanzo: Oh.

Tracer: HANZO DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAVING SEX IS

Hanzo: I understand the concept, yes.

Tracer: SO TAKE YOU AND JESSE AND THEN THAT CONCEPT

Tracer: THATS LITERALLY IT CAN YOU NOT GRASP IT

Genji: yeah Meme Song

D.VA: wtf- this explains why hes so uptight

D.VA: needs to get laiiidddd

Genji: and why im the exact opposite

Hanzo: I do not need to "Get laid."

Genji: im beginning to think my brother is dumber than me

Genji: and thats saying a lot

D.VA: it really is, genjoo.

Tracer: hanzo you do though

Tracer: you dont understand

Hanzo: I do not particularly find the act of sex appealing, to be frank. It is rather... Disgusting.

Tracer: o w o w

Genji: can u at least love jesse

Genji: love at least one person in your fucking life, hanzo

Hanzo: I said I didn't find sex appealing, I never said I didn't find Mc-- Jesse appealing.

Genji: good u better love him k

D.VA: oh--- oh my god

Tracer: if u hurt him ill carry out my threat ;))

D.VA: gay senses are overloading

Reinhardt: this is beautiful

Mercy: I've got you on my gay-dar

[Pharah has logged on]

Pharah: I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHATS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

Pharah: MERCY JUST STOLE MY LINE

Pharah: AND IM PROUD BUT ALSO ANGRY

D.VA: thats gay

Pharah: WHERE IS SHE I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO KISS HER OR TO LIKE ROCKET HER FACE INTO THE MUD

Genji: Angela.

Genji: You never told us anything about this.

Mercy: oH YEAH

Mercy: i mean too bad, you know now? gotta run bye lmao xx dont kill me please, fareeha <3

[Mercy has gone idle]

Pharah: fUCKER

[Pharah has gone idle]

Hanzo: I believe, now would be an approprate time to say "G a y."

Genji: o h

[Genji has gone idle]

Tracer: oh my god

D.VA: what the fuCK

Tracer: hanzo you legend

D.VA: he's learning

Tracer: y e s

Hanzo: I have made a grave mistake.

Tracer: one of us.

D.VA: one of us

Reinhardt: what happened to genji though?

D.VA: death by proudness?

Reinhardt: Wait. @Lucio ?

[Lucio is no longer idle]

Lucio: Heyo! What'cha need me for?

Reinhardt: Do you know where Genji is?

Lucio: Right next to me

D.VA: thats gay

Lucio: genjisexual*

Lucio: but its something about 'one of us'

Lucio: what happened here

Hanzo: I regret everything. Jesse was right; Overwatch was a mistake.

Lucio: Let me just read this chatroom. Christ.

[Lucio has gone idle]

Reinhardt: I feel sad. I can't join The Cult™

D.VA: aw, its okay!! You can still say pew pew pew and join our gayquests :'')

Reinhardt: But I am straight :') I feel left out on the Gay™

Reinhardt: many trademarked sayings by the Gaywatch members ill never experience :')

D.VA: awww- i think you have a very gay heart, m'dude :'')))

Reinhardt: But you all are finding people that you love and I haven't been able to do that for a while now :'( Thank you though, Hana

D.VA: Hana-Banana at your service, m'boii

Tracer: youll need winston for that

[Winston is no longer Idle]

Winston: You called?

Tracer: wait no

Tracer: winston i said nothing about the bananas ok

Tracer: bye guys nice knowing you

[Tracer has gone idle]

Winston: Oh.

[Winston has gone Idle]

Hanzo: Does anyone know where McC-- Jesse, is?

Reinhardt: Hiding.

Reinhardt: In the kitchen.

Reinhardt: Don't ask how I know this.

Hanzo: Okay? Ah. I know what to do. @Everyone please gather in the kitchen?

Reinhardt: Oh?

[Genji is no longer idle]

[Lucio is no longer idle]

[Tracer is no longer idle]

Tracer: I'll see if i can, trying not to die.

Genji: lucio and I will be there for sure because if my brother is telling us to gather where the person he's gay for is, the world is either ending or beginning a better life for all of us.

Lucio: the world is ending lmao def not the second one i can tell you

D.VA: Oh god I see Hanzo-

Tracer: does anyone have a fucking banana im trying to get fucking murdered here

Genji: Speed boost and swift strike is amazing lmao im gonna be there in like 3 seconds

D.VA: g a y .

Genji: Im liking this Genjisexual thing that Lucio seems to be so I cant really say hes g a y  
Genji: but i sure as h e c k am a homosexual robot man

D.VA: hanzo, whyre you on the counter.

Genji: Hanzo no

Hanzo: Is everyone here?

Lucio: I have mental images. Oh. God.

Reinhardt: I'M LIKE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN ONE SECOND

Hanzo: Let me know when you're all here, for I will only do this once.

Reinhardt: I'm here.

[Mercy is no longer idle]

D.VA: I'm here too-

[Pharah is no longer idle]

Mercy: Now that I've got the line-stealing situation done, I'm here too. Fareeha will be here too <3

Pharah: I'm still torn over being proud and annoyed, Angie <3, but I'm here too.

Genji: I think that's literally everyone active right now, so?

Tracer: WAIT NO

Tracer: I HAVE A BANANA SO EVERYTHINGS GOOD, IM LURING WINSTON HERE PLEASE DONT START THE HOMOSEXUAL SHIT WITHOUT ME

{like 2 minutes later lmao}

Tracer: Okay. Everythings good. We're all here now, right?

Hanzo: Hopefully.

Mercy: Yeah, everyone online's here.

Hanzo: Good. Well, here we go...

Hanzo: _jumps off counter_ I'm gay. For Jesse.

Lucio: genji are you okay youre like

Tracer: hes shaking lmao

Lucio: yeah that

D.VA: oh my g o d

Genji: Im not ok

Genji: im n o t

D.VA: @McCree, get yo ass out and greet your new gayfriend god d a m n i t

Genji: oh my god

Genji: oh my g o d

[Genji has gone idle]

Hanzo: I have never been so mortified in my entire life.

Reinhardt: Hanzo.

Reinhardt: I am so proud of you.

[Genji is no longer idle]

Genji: ANGELA IM SO GLAD I CAN STILL CRY

Genji: THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

Hanzo: Someone kill me.

Mercy: Oh that's what the fuck that sound was

Pharah: lmao metallic sobs

D.VA: cute metallic sobs. almost makes me cry too

Lucio: I'm the only one allowed to say its cute. :'')))

Lucio: hana youre being hetero by saying cute

D.VA: sorry- i meant in a weird, dorky younger brother kind of way.

Genji: younger brother--

Genji: I'm sorry what

D.VA: besides, im already taken--- also u heard me u old cyborg

Genji: and dorky??

Genji: I'M A FUCKING HALF MAN HALF MACHINE HOW AM I FUCKING DORK

Genji: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hanzo: One of life's great mysteries.

Lucio: I love how he doesn't even need a phone to text so he'll just spam a screech in chat when he's curled up in a ball on the floor

Genji: you dont want me screeching here? o k

Mercy: Lucio what have you done.

Tracer: Metallic. Enhanced. Screeching.

[McCree is no longer idle]

McCree: GENJI STOP MY FUCKING EARS

D.VA: serves you right for not answering handsoaps gayposal.

Genji: Yeah fakren. I'll stop screeching if you kiss handso ;))))(edited)

Hanzo: What.

D.VA: w o t

Tracer: who changed the fucking name lmao

D.VA: i bet 10 bucks on genjoo

Tracer: pff

Genji: that wasnt me lmao

Genji: dont bet on me thats r00d

Lucio: I bet 10 dollars its not genji

Genji: right i appreciate it but youre gonna have to be more specific lmao

Hanzo: I bet 20 that we are all very fucked.

Lucio: nvm i take my bet back hanzo's probably right.

Genji: not how it works

Lucio: i thought you loved me :''(

D.VA: is anyone else's phone fucking up or is that just me-

Genji: money is money lucio and if my brother gets it ill steal it

Tracer: no, my phone is kind of fucking up right now

Genji: my visor seems to be flickering slightly yeah

Hanzo: My phone is being less than cooperative, as well.

Tracer: what the fuck

Tracer: not niceee

Tracer: do ya think theres something wrong with the like

D.VA: shit maybe hand-zoo was right

Tracer: thingy that does the service???

[McCree is no longer idle]

McCree: ok so i found my phone but its really fucking up and im starting to think that I shouldve listened and let genji get me a new phone

Hanzo: You are not the only one experiencing this, Jesse.

Reinhardt: Oh, mine's dying down a little bit

Tracer: mine isnt

Genji: hard to tell but mine is slightly

[Ana Amari has logged on]

Ana Amari: oh fucking finally! that shit took ages to crack open. probably talon giving us an entrance but h e y its all good.

[Ana Amari has added Soldier: 76]

[Ana Amari changed name to 'Ana']

Ana: christ almighty that took too long. good to be back, eh?

Soldier: 76: Indeed.

[Reinhardt has gone idle]

[Tracer has gone idle]

[Genji has gone idle]

[Mercy has gone idle]

[Pharah has gone idle]

[Lucio has gone idle]

[McCree has gone idle]

Ana: oh. f u c k.

Ana: I thinkkk we may or may not have made a giant ass mistake

Soldier: 76: I did warn you. A little.

{To be continued in Overgays: Getting Too Old and Pretending to Die season 7}

 


End file.
